A HOMEOWNER has listed a room for rent in his home for just £40-per-week – but potential lodgers may be put off after reading the passive aggressive listing.
Dr Graham Collins posted an advert on Gumtree last night in a bid to find a suitable non-smoking renter to share his flat in Girvan, South Ayrshire.
The self-proclaimed “choosy” owner states that anyone applying must have “suitable mental skills” and can “understand and then execute simple instructions in English”.
He also requires people to abide by his strict rules when applying and must not message him asking anything along the lines of: “Still available?”
Full names, address, phone numbers are required or Dr Collins will not even give “paranoid” applicants the time of day.
And he has told people not to send him “silly” emails where they sign off with a nickname.
Filled with capital letters to highlight the importance of his requirements, Dr Collins has stressed what good value the rent is as it also includes council tax.
Scots flat-hunters have been left shocked by the tone of the listing, with some even branding the owner an “a**e”.
The lengthy description reads: “£39.83 per week for each of you sharing a large flat 300m from Girvan railway station (Yes, that’s not a mistake, the rent is only £39.83 per WEEK – not per day – and even includes Council Tax, Water and Sewage charges!)
“I’ve set the weekly rent very low at £39.83 per week (or £25.83 per family member) so I can be rather choosy.
“Read CAREFULLY right to the BOTTOM of this advert BEFORE phoning or emailing me so you don’t waste money and time!”
“No FULL name = NO REPLY. No FULL address = NO REPLY. No phone number = probably NO REPLY. Ask any variation of ‘still available?’ = DEFINITELY NO REPLY from me.”
“If you can’t understand (and then execute in full) simple instructions in English, or commit to a minimum rental period of 16 weeks (but we’d prefer longer) or are a tobacco smoker then STOP reading now and start looking at other adverts for more expensive flat-shares that don’t offer such good value.
“If, AFTER you have CAREFULLY read ALL the details in this advert, you think this accommodation is just right for you, then EMAIL me ALL your relevant details
“When I get silly emails without even a real name like ‘Hi, is this still available? Love Slinky’, I just put them straight in the bin.
“(You’ll be lodgers in our flat – you don’t get our whole four bedroom apartment to yourselves all the time and I WILL remove this advert when we’ve found a great lodger(s) so that my time and your own is not wasted!)
“Many people don’t bother to read properly so let me spell that out again:-
“If you won’t or can’t give me a full and complete postal address in your first email for me to prepare the missives (it doesn’t matter if that address is abroad), then it’s pointless me replying.
“If you don’t (or feel you can’t) tell me your full name, then I feel sorry for your lack of comprehension skills (or paranoia) but I won’t consider you as someone with suitable mental skills or balance to share our home.
“If you forget/don’t want to tell me your contact phone numbers (it doesn’t matter if the landline number is abroad) in your first email then, depending on the number of replies I receive, that first email may end up in the garbage too.
“So, think carefully and perhaps read this whole advert again before you make a spasm response.
“I’ve taken the time to give you the details you need in this advert – take the time and care to tell me all the details I need in your carefully considered reply.”
The demanding listing has attracted attention from Scots on Facebook today.
One said: “Guy sounds like a prized welt.”
Another wrote: “The guy’s clearly an a**e.”
A third added: “Reading this was a ride.”